Growing into fatherhood
What happens when fathers find community and support
Becoming a new parent isn’t easy. There are big transitions, emotional ups and downs, and the challenge of figuring things out for the first time, often while learning to parent in ways that may look different from how you were raised. And while much of the focus appropriately centers on the birthing parent, fathers and other partners are navigating their own shifts, questions, and responsibilities, often without a dedicated space to process them.
When Randy Roman, his wife Alma, and their young daughter moved from Southern California to Sonoma County a few years ago, little did they know that Alma was pregnant, and that they would soon be welcoming a second daughter into their family in an entirely new community. Lucky for them (and for us!), they soon found Corazón Healdsburg.
Finding community
After Randy and Alma enrolled their older daughter in Pasitos, a Sonoma CAN-funded playgroup that Corazón and other nonprofits host. There they learned about Mi Bebé y Yo, our prenatal workshop series. When they signed up, they became part of our first cohort to include dedicated support groups alongside the workshops.
“I know this community helped Alma manage the emotions of pregnancy plus caring for a toddler,” Randy said. “Personally, I really enjoyed the father portion. Listening to other fathers' stories and perspectives made me feel at ease knowing I wasn't alone in what I was feeling or experiencing.”
Randy and Alma completed Mi Bebé y Yo and celebrated the birth of their daughter at our community baby shower last spring. They both felt more connected to their new community. When the next cohort began, Randy came back in a new role, stepping in to lead the fathers’ group.
“I wanted to create a space where there was no judgment and sharing was not mandatory,” Randy said. “What stood out to me is that community can be built through shared experiences. As new dads, we can find common struggles, share practices, and share victories as we navigate through early parenthood.”
Randy knows that some fathers might initially feel uncomfortable sharing in these kinds of ways, but he encourages them to consider the benefits. “It's a great way to support an expecting mother or support your new family,” he said. “The space allows us to hear new ideas and perspectives that can help our own thoughts and open ourselves to new ideas.”
Reimagining fatherhood
Growing up, Randy understood fatherhood to be about being a provider and protector for his children and family. Through his own experience as a dad and having shared so many conversations with other fathers, he’s come to believe that fatherhood is about supporting his children and helping them build resiliency.
“My role is to guide and support them to make kind and good decisions, along with teaching them how to handle tough emotional moments,” he said. “Ultimately, my hope is that they both grow up to be kind, have some grittiness about their craft and passions, and have the tools to handle any setback in life.”
What began as a search for community during a time of transition has come full circle. Today, Randy is helping create that same sense of belonging for other fathers, and making sure they also have a space to be heard, to reflect and to grow.
